*Reality Check

Today we mailed off all but one last document for the home study. While I am still excited to adopt, I am beginning to wonder if I am naïve. I know little about the Asian culture, and little about the Asian-American culture as well. Our child will be an assimilated Asian American – looking like an Asian to Americans, but feeling like an American among Asians. That is probably a hard place to be, that I know little about. I think there will be more and more assimilated Asian-Americans, especially if we stay in this area.

I enjoy my life right now – only focusing on one child, and enjoying everything he’s learning. I wonder if we are rushing into 2 children. And the thought of adopting twins and having 3 kids so close in age is overwhelming – I think I’m starting to rule out that possibility. I’m not ready to be done having kids so soon.

I read another book about children in Vietnam during the war. It told a story or 2 about each situation the children there grew up in. Some sheltered from the war, others killed or wounded, orphaned and in poverty, refugees with no way to support themselves, street boys. It is devastating to read about. And we caused so much of the pain – but really it was the northern Vietnamese that did. I wish I could have helped. I can’t imagine the pain, and hopelessness.

Now I’m reading one on foster care in the US. It seems like a truly great ministry, and of course needed, but I don’t think I could handle more than one or 2 at a time, especially considering their trauma. And, maybe my heart is too soft for it – to get attatched and then to have them leave. So many loves and losses. Maybe foster care does stink.

Lord, You’ve given us this passion to help orphans. Please show us how and where. Don’t let us waste it. And I pray that you would lead us to our child in Vietnam, in your perfect timing. Please prepare our hearts. I pray that you would lead us to some new friendships with adoptive families that we could learn from and talk with. And I pray that you would prepare us to deal with the struggles our child will have culturally, and any others. Thank you for calling us to this.