*Will My Child Feel Different?

This weekend Keith, Koen and I went to a Phó Vietnamese restaurant for lunch. It was good and Koen really enjoyed it – especially playing with the chopsticks.

I have been thinking more deep thoughts about adoptions, and feeling a little more scared. A book on adoption is helping me think through some of the difficulties.

I think it will be hard enough for me, as the adoptive mom, to not know about my child’s birth family, or the circumstances surrounding her birth. I can’t imagine how hard that will be on our child – and how “different” that may make her feel at times – maybe lost or without an identity as well. And to have NO way to find out the truth, would probably be frustrating.

I think I’m also becoming a little more aware of how hard it will be on our child to look different from the rest of the family. Everyone will know that she is adopted – it will be obvious when you look at a picture of us or meet us in the grocery store. And some people may say rude things, even unknowingly. I pray that we can instill a confidence in our child, and a value of her beauty that makes her feel comfortable in her skin.

I have never thought it would be hard for me to treat my children the same – birth/adoptive…. But I’ve read some blogs of mothers who looked at their adopted child/ren and saw adoption – knowing and accepting the child as theirs, but still also dwelling on the process they went through. I don’t know if that is bad or not, but it does make it different.

One blogger mentioned her adopted child’s night terrors, and the thought that maybe the child was remembering or reliving something traumatic in their past, that she would never know about or understand, or maybe the child missed home – where they came from. I think it will be a process to not think that whatever sadness or misbehavior a child exhibits is because they are adopted. All children go through stages and hard times, and we can’t assume that it is because they were adopted, but I am sure it is a fear for adoptive parents.

This book also raised a little fear in me that our agency might be corrupt. I don’t think they are – obviously, or we wouldn’t be putting our trust in them – but maybe I would have felt better if we had moved forward more cautiously and talked with more references. I read about people convincing women to give them their babies for money, and then adopting them to rich Americans and making a profit – selling babies. It is weird that it costs so much. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Keith still imagines twin girls. I don’t, but might be up for it. I’m probably so naïve to write that. I don’t know how we could afford to pay for 2 at once too. And I’m afraid of having 3 kids so close in age – not only for financial reasons, but also because we would be empty-nesters so quickly. I want to extend the joy over time.