More Dreams

We've been DTV 4 months as of the 1st now. It has gone pretty fast until the last two weeks when I've been doubting we'll be able to hold her within a year if the country closes. Here are my latest finds for Liv - from the monthly 25 cent sale at a local children's consignment shop:

Some cute, Asian looking pants

Last night the three of us and my mom went out to Pho to celebrate Tet, the Vietnamese new year festival that begins on Feb 7th this year. Koen sure likes the noodles. It was good. Maybe I'll try making some myself on the 7th.

God encouraged me through the sermon at church this morning. The topic was dreaming, taken from Nehemiah. This seems to be a theme the Lord has for me lately : to dream big and let myself be used by God. Here's one quote by Pastor Paul: "The problem (with the world) that infuriates you the most is often the problem that God has assigned you to solve." And "Those who unlock your compassion are those God has called you to serve."

Even during the worship this morning, before the sermon I was thinking of those children in my last blog, that have no hope of adoption, and tearing up for them. God has definitely given me compassion for them and orphans like them, and I know he is guiding me to do something with this feeling. As I was listening, I was trying to figure out how practically, we can serve them, and I start imagining us moving to Vietnam, living in a shack somewhere next door to an orphanage. I imagine us setting up a house to take orphans in after they have graduated out of the orphanage, but before they have somewhere to go next. I imagine visiting the orphanage daily and just loving those kids, hoping that one day they will accept the love of Christ, share it with others, and begin to change the culture there into a culture that cares for orphans.

Or, maybe it's a little more practical to do that here in our own country and be a foster parent. Both ideas excite me, but seem to big for me.

Because I lived in Russia for a year as a missionary, I have counted the cost and I know it is hard to leave home, family, the comforts of America.... I enjoy all those now, but have felt no more satisfied in my core now that I have them again. I think the spiritual desert I have experienced since returning 7 years ago, is preparing me to sacrifice these things once again.

Forgive me for using this as a journal to work through these thoughts. I don't know if this is what God is calling us to do, or even if it is possible, but this is some of the thoughts I'm having and I wanted to write them down.

Pastor Paul finished the sermon with a surprising first step in the direction of our dreams: "Wait." We can't jump ahead of His timing to complete these dreams. He is preparing us now.

So, I guess we will wait and pray, and continue to cry over the situation many orphans around the world live in. I'd love to hear if you have any practical suggestions for how we could apply this passion He's given us. Any ministries you know of that we could serve with.... Or any similar thoughts you share.

Thanks.

*Dreams

The last week I have found myself anxiously awaiting our agency's Vietnam program newsletter that they send out monthly. In the past several months, it just shows up in my email inbox unexpectedly and I enjoy reading it. But now that we are officially waiting, I will probably cling to these more and more. The main reason I am interested now is because it usually updates the expected wait time, and communicates the number of families that received referrals last month, and how many picked up their children.

Last week after hearing from some other waiting families what number they are on the waiting list, I hastily sent an email off to our caseworker to see about how many total are waiting in our program (knowing that since we just got on the list, we are likely last). She replied that there are 39 families waiting, most of them for girls. So, we are number 39. That's a lot, but I'm hoping it is comparable to other agencies who have families who were at about the same point as us through the paperwork, around 15th or 20th. Our agency works with more orphanages than most, so maybe they get more referrals, and we'll move along at a comparable rate? Not sure though. 39th isn't real encouraging, but I'm glad I know now and can prepare myself for quite a journey ahead.

On a different note, I am really enjoying my women's Bible study through church right now. The book we are going through is "You Matter More Than You Think" by Dr. Leslie Parrott. I highly recommend this book. The chapter I just read is about your dreams, and no matter how old you are, we must recognize and follow our dreams. This is a way that God often guides us - through our passions, desires and dreams. One quotation she shared was from Langston Hughes: "Hold fast to your dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly." Leslie says "it is in pursuing our dreams that we move from becoming a half - a person who is waiting in the wings for something, - to a whole." When pursuing our dreams, we become who God created us to be. "The eventual pain that results from not dreaming - for fear of being disappointed by an unrealized dream - will always eclipse the pain of a dream that never comes true."

I think in the last few years I have settled into a comfortable life, and given up some of the dreams I had while in college. In the last year, however, God has made me realize a passion that I've always had, and got me thinking about what to do with it. I think my dream is to love orphans. I know I will do that through adopting our daughter, but I envision going to orphans overseas and serving, loving, touching, providing, living with them. But, I am also starting to envision becoming foster parents here and doing the same with the orphans (and children with parents who can't care for them) in our own city. I'm not sure what God has planned specifically, but I hope and pray I am faithful to follow this dream of somehow helping more orphans. I love them already!

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." -Romans 15:13