*What a Difference a Year Hasn't Made

That's a downer of a title, isn't it?

Today is ONE YEAR since our Dossier went to Vietnam and we started our official wait for Liv. We are in a far different place than we thought we would be a year ago. We've only made it about half way up the waiting list, and now, of course, adoptions have come to a halt. We are unsure if Liv is even Liv (Love in Vietnam), or if she is somewhere else.

We have made a few minor efforts this last month to pursue other routes, but the Lord has not allowed us to move forward, and had not guided elsewhere. So, as long as we continue to seek Him and do not hear from Him, we must stay put.

We had another very discouraging thing happen this last weekend, which we will share with you down the road. Our hearts hurt and we wonder what God is doing. I like to make sense of things that happen, but I suppose my mind is too finite for our omniscient, omnipotent God.

What does one do to mark this anniversary? I blog.

I am asking the Lord to make this month, October, a better month for us - to bring good news, and hope.

*CLOSED

We have been dreading this day for a long time, but inevitably, it has arrived. The MOU expired today, meaning that adoptions between the US and Vietnam have ceased. We pray this is a short closure, but have no idea what to expect. Our agency seems more optimistic than others I have heard from. Do we move on? Today also marks 11 months since we were DTV. 11 months, and now our dossier is coming back to the US to sit here.

I think I'm mostly in denial, but now and then some self-pity sneaks in. I'm ready for my child to come home, but God must know better. I have to trust He has a better plan.

I have been praying for a referral by Christmas. That is highly unlikely now, but still possible. I'm not sure if I should keep praying and hoping for that or not. It would be too good to be true.

To add to the bad news, we found out my mom has a spot of cancer on her gums. She has had to wait a whole week since finding out before meeting with the surgeon, and in that time it has grown quite a bit. Please pray for healing, and peace.

My sister also hasn't been doing well. She has severe anorexia and has gone downhill in the last month. She's currently in the hospital, but should be released soon. Please pray for victory in her battle, and healing for her body.

Sorry to be such a downer. I hope you are having a better Labor day than we are.

*10 Months

We are 10 months DTV today (actually since it is past midnight, it is the 2nd, so we are 10 months, one day.) When we started our wait, our agency predicted we would receive a referral in 10-13 months. So, we're in that window, only now it is closer to 15 months. I won't be jumping up when the phone rings just yet.

I found a new blog today, and cried as I read through the story of their little girl, Audrey Caroline. The blogger is an moving writer, and has amazing faith and heart. It is a heartbreaking story of a trial different than the wait we are going through now.

*8 Months

It's another adoption anniversary today. It has been exactly 8 months today since we were DTV (dossier to Vietnam), and put on our agency's waiting list. We were told to expect 10-13 months wait when we started. It's all up in the air now, but we do have some hope that we will get a referral this fall. Please join the Child's Right Campaign and help make this possible.

Last time Vietnam closed it took 2 years to negotiate a new agreement and reopen US/Vietnam adoptions. We can't let that happen again! Too many orphans needs homes and families need children!

We are getting closer!

More Dreams

We've been DTV 4 months as of the 1st now. It has gone pretty fast until the last two weeks when I've been doubting we'll be able to hold her within a year if the country closes. Here are my latest finds for Liv - from the monthly 25 cent sale at a local children's consignment shop:

Some cute, Asian looking pants

Last night the three of us and my mom went out to Pho to celebrate Tet, the Vietnamese new year festival that begins on Feb 7th this year. Koen sure likes the noodles. It was good. Maybe I'll try making some myself on the 7th.

God encouraged me through the sermon at church this morning. The topic was dreaming, taken from Nehemiah. This seems to be a theme the Lord has for me lately : to dream big and let myself be used by God. Here's one quote by Pastor Paul: "The problem (with the world) that infuriates you the most is often the problem that God has assigned you to solve." And "Those who unlock your compassion are those God has called you to serve."

Even during the worship this morning, before the sermon I was thinking of those children in my last blog, that have no hope of adoption, and tearing up for them. God has definitely given me compassion for them and orphans like them, and I know he is guiding me to do something with this feeling. As I was listening, I was trying to figure out how practically, we can serve them, and I start imagining us moving to Vietnam, living in a shack somewhere next door to an orphanage. I imagine us setting up a house to take orphans in after they have graduated out of the orphanage, but before they have somewhere to go next. I imagine visiting the orphanage daily and just loving those kids, hoping that one day they will accept the love of Christ, share it with others, and begin to change the culture there into a culture that cares for orphans.

Or, maybe it's a little more practical to do that here in our own country and be a foster parent. Both ideas excite me, but seem to big for me.

Because I lived in Russia for a year as a missionary, I have counted the cost and I know it is hard to leave home, family, the comforts of America.... I enjoy all those now, but have felt no more satisfied in my core now that I have them again. I think the spiritual desert I have experienced since returning 7 years ago, is preparing me to sacrifice these things once again.

Forgive me for using this as a journal to work through these thoughts. I don't know if this is what God is calling us to do, or even if it is possible, but this is some of the thoughts I'm having and I wanted to write them down.

Pastor Paul finished the sermon with a surprising first step in the direction of our dreams: "Wait." We can't jump ahead of His timing to complete these dreams. He is preparing us now.

So, I guess we will wait and pray, and continue to cry over the situation many orphans around the world live in. I'd love to hear if you have any practical suggestions for how we could apply this passion He's given us. Any ministries you know of that we could serve with.... Or any similar thoughts you share.

Thanks.

*A Bit Guarded

I am expecting. I am a very white woman in Washington, expecting a little Asian girl in Vietnam. The anticipation of the arrival of our daughter is the same as it was when I was pregnant with our son, but lately it has been waning. With the talk about some corruption in the Vietnamese adoption process, I think I have put up my guard a bit, wondering if the Lord is going to ask us to wait even longer, or look in a different country. I hope not, because I am quite attached to Vietnam right now.

It really has been a rough month for us – nothing major, but we’re discouraged in several realms, so I think my view of everything is cloudy.

On a positive note, we are DTV 2 months as of today. When I write that I think it really has flown by, and I can wait another 10 months or so, but yesterday I would have said we’ve been waiting forever already! This spring I have several friends and a sister-in-law who will be having babies, and I think that is when it will get really hard for me.

Today we had snow that stuck and got deeper and deeper. We decorated the tree this morning before it started snowing. Koen loved “helping” decorate by setting balls on the branches. He is now saying “helper” and joining in with whatever I’m doing – laundry, unloading the dishwasher, cleaning, making waffles this morning…..so cute!

Koen being a "helper" putting a string of stars on the tree.This evening Koen pulled his chair up real close to the tree and named all the ornaments in reach: "heart, cross, car, choo-choo, ding-ding (for bell), dight (light)...

Anyway, then right after he went down for his nap this afternoon, it started snowing. I was kind of bummed because I wanted him to see it, but then an hour into his nap he wipe up. I heard him saying “bye-bye” on the monitor and went up to find him trying to shoo the cat out of his room. Oops! So, I removed the distraction, and laid him back down. He responded by screaming for several minutes, and then crying/whining for quite a while. I eventually gave in and got him up. I opened the blinds in his room and pointed out the pretty white falling stuff. He got the biggest smile, and kept saying “no, no” repeatedly (meaning snow).

We let the snow fall another hour or so and then got bundled up and went out to play in the “no.” He couldn’t really do much with his mittens on (thumbs not in the right place of course), but he enjoyed walking around. Papa and I made a snowman, and he enjoyed poking it with a stick. Then the neighbors – two boys and their fun parents- joined us and proceeded to win a snowball fight against Keith. It was fun to watch that, and the 2 youngest boys wander around playing with and eating the snow as the chaotic war took place around them. Koen didn’t want to come in. We were freezing, but apparently he was fine!

First impressions of the snow.Just before the start of the snowball war - Koen's the blue blob in the back.

Our other adventure for the day wasn’t so fun. Keith pulled the truck we’re borrowing up to the side of our home to load some stuff, got out to check if he was close enough, and the door closed behind him, locking him out while the truck was running! Of course we only have one set of keys, and the other is in Oregon! Our opinion is that automatic locking doors while the car ignition is on is not such a brilliant idea! Anyway, after the truck sat beside our place running for about two hours while snow fell on it, the locksmith arrived. It’s hard to spend $135 on something so stupid, especially right before Christmas! Oh well – I guess it was in God’s plan for the day.

Keith leaves for Asia in about 36 hours, and I’m in denial about that. He’s been so busy lately I’ve barely seen him, and now I’m not going to see him until December 12th?! It’s probably good to see if I can do this mom thing on my own every now and then, but I’m really pretty dependent on Keith. I’m not sure if that’s a bad thing though. The Bible does say the “two shall become one.” And it’s hard to only be a half for 10 days. I might be blogging more as therapy.

*And The Wait Begins

The wait officially began for us today. Our dossier came back through our agency today from the Consulate in San Fransisco, and is being sent off to Henry (our agency coordinator on the Vietnam side) in Vietnam this afternoon. We are officially DTV on October 1st! At least October 1st is an easy day to remember, even though I was hoping for September 28th. And Yay, I get to add to our adoption time-line!

Other adoption notes: we applied for another grant this weekend - you can pray they choose us. We also sent off another big check to cover phase II of our payments. The next big payment won't be due until we have a referral. So, we probably have about a year to raise the rest.

Here's some great pictures I found on a fellow blogger's site. They are orphans in Vietnam. Don't you want to love and squeeze one tight?

*2 Weeks

We got an email from our case worker yesterday, saying that they received all our paperwork and that our dossier should go to Vietnam in about two weeks. Please pray with us that all would go as planned during authentication/translation. Once we are DTV (blogger lingo= Dossier to Vietnam) then we begin our official wait which is estimated to be 10-13 months until our referral.

Saturday I am doing the swimming portion of a triathlon (relay style) with friends from church. I am a good swimmer, but we'll see how I do in open water - I hate the thought of there being fish down there!!