*What a Difference a Year Hasn't Made

That's a downer of a title, isn't it?

Today is ONE YEAR since our Dossier went to Vietnam and we started our official wait for Liv. We are in a far different place than we thought we would be a year ago. We've only made it about half way up the waiting list, and now, of course, adoptions have come to a halt. We are unsure if Liv is even Liv (Love in Vietnam), or if she is somewhere else.

We have made a few minor efforts this last month to pursue other routes, but the Lord has not allowed us to move forward, and had not guided elsewhere. So, as long as we continue to seek Him and do not hear from Him, we must stay put.

We had another very discouraging thing happen this last weekend, which we will share with you down the road. Our hearts hurt and we wonder what God is doing. I like to make sense of things that happen, but I suppose my mind is too finite for our omniscient, omnipotent God.

What does one do to mark this anniversary? I blog.

I am asking the Lord to make this month, October, a better month for us - to bring good news, and hope.

*Liv's First Gift

Yes, we've decided to call our daughter Liv for the time being - that is until we know who she is and decide on her real name. Liv, stands for Love In Vietnam (the blog title). So, she's not Dot anymore, but maybe we'll change our minds again. It's only a nickname, but it's been as hard to choose as a real name!

Last week friends from our Bible study and I went out for ladies night and painted ceramics together at a shop. Most all of us made things for our little ones, and I decided it’s time for our little girl to have something. Here is my first gift for Liv (a plate/plaque thingy- not perfect, but neither am I):

The quotation is from the poem “The Answer” about adoption: “Not flesh of my flesh nor bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, that you grew not under my heart, but in it."

As we near the official beginning of our wait for our little girl in the next week or so, some fears are rising in me. I’m not sure I can even put how I feel into words. There is a lot of me that is very excited, but afraid to get too excited – fearful that my heart will get hurt. Maybe it’s normal to be afraid to get too attached to a child, or a dream, in the adoption process, knowing it can be rocky at times. Yet, I don’t want to deaden my heart. I want to feel in full during this process, and learn all God has to teach me (which I’m sure is a lot!).

Summer is just barely over and we were already itching to get out of the house, so the three of us went to the waterfront for a few hours. Koen enjoyed digging in the sand (of which half ended up in his diaper), pointing out the boats, and attempting to go for a swim. One funny thing he’s doing right now is pointing out airplanes and helicopters when he hears them, and saying “bee, bee!” repeatedly. He has learned the word “bee” from books where there are tiny little flying things with wings, much like a plane looks like way off in the distance. He’s funny. He also got to see two trains go by, to which he excitedly shouted "Choo Choo!" while wanting to be held. He was both scared of and enthralled with the loud and large moving vehicle.

Keith said this morning while I was gone, he and Koen got out the world atlas and were trying to guess where in Vietnam Koen’s sister is, and whether she is even born yet. I doubt Koen has a clue, but we’re trying to talk to him about it already.


He is smart, really!