Fears

It’s been awhile since I checked in here, mostly because I have no adoption news. The wait has been fine so far – although every now and then I get a wave of anxiety over it. I’m mostly keeping busy, and that should help the next year or so go by quicker.

Last weekend I left Keith and Koen for 3 days to go to the Olympic Training Center in Colorado to learn coaching techniques for synchronized swimming. The club I coach for sent me, and I had a good time learning so much. I wish I had more time to devote to coaching. I did have a hard time being away from my guys that long though. Keith said that Koen was clingy and whiny some of the time, but if he kept him busy, or out of the house it was better. Koen also got to spend some good time with his Grammi while I was gone.

Koen enjoying a motorcycle ride
In about 3 weeks Keith is going to a large country in Asia (not Vietnam) for 10 days. I’m finding I have quite a bit of anxiety over him being gone that long. I think the most we’ve been apart since getting married is 3-4 days, and I don’t like being a single mom. I get enough of a taste of not having his help during the days! Please pray that God would provide the finances we need for Keith’s trip, and that He would give me peace over it all. Thanks.

As I’ve been following some blogs lately, I have learned of some adoption issues out of two provinces in Vietnam. Our agency is not involved in these provinces, but I have learned that a few agencies out of these provinces are being reviewed for possible unethical adoptions. There are higher rates of children being given up for adoption there, implying that someone may be paying the Vietnamese birth families to give up their children, and adoptions are moving along very, very quickly – about 1/4th the time as elsewhere. Vietnam has temporarily closed these provinces the get it cleaned up. Even though we have no relation to these agencies or provinces, every adoption in Vietnam affects ours, and the fear is that Vietnam may have to close or slow down adoptions as a whole. This is probably not likely, but it is still a fear. I’m not real educated on what’s happening, and I don’t want to perpetuate rumors, but I must admit that the rumors are raising my fear level.

Keep praying for baby Sinh – I have no new info on her.

Thanks and God bless.

*Liv's First Gift

Yes, we've decided to call our daughter Liv for the time being - that is until we know who she is and decide on her real name. Liv, stands for Love In Vietnam (the blog title). So, she's not Dot anymore, but maybe we'll change our minds again. It's only a nickname, but it's been as hard to choose as a real name!

Last week friends from our Bible study and I went out for ladies night and painted ceramics together at a shop. Most all of us made things for our little ones, and I decided it’s time for our little girl to have something. Here is my first gift for Liv (a plate/plaque thingy- not perfect, but neither am I):

The quotation is from the poem “The Answer” about adoption: “Not flesh of my flesh nor bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, that you grew not under my heart, but in it."

As we near the official beginning of our wait for our little girl in the next week or so, some fears are rising in me. I’m not sure I can even put how I feel into words. There is a lot of me that is very excited, but afraid to get too excited – fearful that my heart will get hurt. Maybe it’s normal to be afraid to get too attached to a child, or a dream, in the adoption process, knowing it can be rocky at times. Yet, I don’t want to deaden my heart. I want to feel in full during this process, and learn all God has to teach me (which I’m sure is a lot!).

Summer is just barely over and we were already itching to get out of the house, so the three of us went to the waterfront for a few hours. Koen enjoyed digging in the sand (of which half ended up in his diaper), pointing out the boats, and attempting to go for a swim. One funny thing he’s doing right now is pointing out airplanes and helicopters when he hears them, and saying “bee, bee!” repeatedly. He has learned the word “bee” from books where there are tiny little flying things with wings, much like a plane looks like way off in the distance. He’s funny. He also got to see two trains go by, to which he excitedly shouted "Choo Choo!" while wanting to be held. He was both scared of and enthralled with the loud and large moving vehicle.

Keith said this morning while I was gone, he and Koen got out the world atlas and were trying to guess where in Vietnam Koen’s sister is, and whether she is even born yet. I doubt Koen has a clue, but we’re trying to talk to him about it already.


He is smart, really!