*To Grieve or Not to Grieve?

I don't know what to do. I am so sad when I think about it, and yet we haven't hit a dead end yet, we've just been warned that a dead end is likely. I feel alone. There are hundreds of others in the US going through what we are. We need a support group!
I don't think most people understand that Liv is in our hearts. We have pictured her and planned for her for months. Maybe this is a little like a miscarriage? To know a child is coming, but to have not yet seen or held her, and to lose her. Maybe it's not.

Blessings to you who are going through this too. Let's pray for each other, and pray that Vietnam will clean up its system, and that those orphans will have loving homes.

Off We Go

This week we head to a conference we have been looking forward to for some time. We are going to the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit IV in Florida, where we will join hundreds of other believers who are like us- passionate in reaching and serving the Fatherless.

We are so hoping the Lord will guide us in our personal ministry, as well as in our adoption while we are there. Please pray that He would show us where He desires us to serve, and what we should do about our adoption.

We have to leave Koen behind with Grandma in Oregon for 4 nights, which I am feeling more and more hesitant to do. I know he will do fine without us, but will I do fine without him? After the conference, we will head to a Campus Crusade staff conference in central Oregon for several days. We will be on the road for a while, but will update you when we return.

*A Disappointing Announcement

Today I have sad news to share. Vietnam will close to US adoptions September 1st. This is incredibly sad news for adoptions in Vietnam. But, even sadder for us is that Vietnam will only complete the adoptions of those families who have referrals by September 1st. There is still a chance this could be us, but it is not likely.

I have noticed that my heart hasn't been so into this adoption as I feel it should be. I'm not sure if it is because I am guarding myself, or if the Lord is using this to guide us to other options, or if He is protecting me from the grief that I could feel, had I been more attached. I am sad, don't get me wrong. But surprisingly, I am not devastated.

The Lord has been reminding me of His promises that "All things work for the good of those who love God." And that His plans for our lives (including Liv's) are hopeful and good (Jeremiah 29:11). This is part of His plan. He called us to adopt, and He will bring it to completion. I can say that and I do believe it, but I pray for more faith, and that God would confirm this calling on our lives.

Here is the statement from the US Embassy in Hanoi, Vietnam:
On April 25, the Government of Vietnam announced that it will allow adoption to be completed in cases where prospective adoptive parents have been matched with a child and received an official referral prior to September 1, 2008. It further stated that in accordance with Vietnamese law, the DIA will suspend the acceptance of new dossiers on July 1, 2008. On September 1, 2008 any dossier that has not received a referral will be closed and returned to the Adoption Service Provider. In view of the processing time required in Vietnam from placement to the Giving and Receiving Ceremony, an adoption process begun now cannot be completed before the current Agreement expires.

So, if we don't have a referral before the close, our dossier will be sent back. That makes me even more sad. Our hope and prayer is that Vietnam will reopen to US adoption in 2009 sometime. That would hopefully mean that if we didn't have a referral this time, that we would be toward the top of the list when it reopens, but I am not sure if I should have this hope or not. I need more information from our agency.

The Embassy also released a "Summary of Irregularities" about Vietnam orphanges/adoptions that is rather alarming. As I read it, I think maybe it is best if we don't receive a referral because so many children are being given up unethically. I do want to adopt a child that needs a family - not one who was given up just to make money. I don't want to always wonder if she really was an orphan. Maybe our child is somewhere else.

Among the things the Summary listed were (found at Voices for VN Adoption Integrity):

• strong financial incentive to maximize the number of children available for foreign adoption in their centers - those orphanages that have this incentive have seen a huge increase in the number of "abandoned" children in their facilities, while those without the incentive have not. It appears that some orphanage directors are trying to get more babies into their orphanage so they will receive more money!!
• during the required search and wait for a birth parent to come forward and claim their child, the information is not being properly advertised
• families have applied for domestic adoptions in Vietnam, but are often not processed because orphanages receive less money for domestic adoptions than they do for international. But, domestic adoptions are best option!!!
• the number of "abandoned" children has skyrocketed in orphanages were there is incentive, but remained stable elsewhere. Facilitators are deliberately staging fraudulent desertions to conceal the identity of the birth parents.
• Birth parents are receiving way more than enough in financial "compensation" for giving up their child - more than about a year's wages. Sometimes these parents are told their child will visit them often, and/or return home at a certain age, and/or send money from the US - all of which does not happen
• Often the individual who purportedly found the child (child finder) is a police officer, a village official or a member of their immediate family. These individuals are often related to the orphanage director or the local official who approves adoptions. Embassy investigations have shown that many of these reports are fraudulent.
• In five provinces, the Embassy has discovered unlicensed, unregulated facilities that provide free room and board to pregnant women in return for their commitment to relinquish their children upon birth.
• Attempts by U.S. officials to verify the accuracy of these documents have routinely uncovered evidence of fraudulent or inaccurate information. Fraudulent police reports have also been submitted to the Embassy in connection with adoption cases.

I am sad for Vietnam - that all this is going on and devastating the lives of many. And, I am sad for our family. I want to move forward. I want another child, and I want it by adoption. I don't want to wait forever. When we started this process a year ago (almost to the day!) I knew we could face huge hurdles. And, here they are. When is a hurdle so big that we should change course?

Will you pray with us for Vietnam adoptions, and for God's guidance as we decide what to do now?

Thank you.

My Big Boy

Koen is 2! He turned two at 4:39 this evening, and I'm so disappointed I forgot to look at the clock and be sentimental about the time. I was too busy preparing for our little family party tonight. We celebrated with a monkey theme. I didn't go too over the top this year, but did do a cute little monkey cake (banana flavor, of course) from Martha Stewart. Koen's eyes lit up when he saw it. He loves cake - and rarely gets to eat it! Grammi, Great-Grammi, Grampa, Aunt Laurie, and Great-Aunt Carrie joined us for burgers and fries. We were also celebrating Keith's birthday that is later this week - so the menu was his choice.

Although this was a little party, our little place seemed very small tonight. We squeezed around the table and enjoyed the food (all except Koen who had already filled up on olives, and was saving space for monkey cake). Koen enjoyed opening the gifts (family spoiled him!!!), but when I decided to get one out of the box, he only wanted to play with it and not open the rest of the gifts (oops- Mom error!). So, we stopped for cake. He and Papa enjoyed blowing out their candles. We had to relight them for more photo ops :). Koen had a few bites, and seemed to enjoy the cake (especially the chocolate frosting), but he quickly decided he wanted to go back to playing with his new toy. He enjoyed playing with Grampa while the rest of us finished our cake, and then finished opening his gifts.

I was really amazed at how well Koen related to everyone tonight. With our prompting, he would say thank you to everyone, and give them a hug. I think he did a really good job at making everyone feel loved. He is such a social boy! And I am so thankful for our family, that loves him so much.

After everyone left, Koen immediately climbed back up to the table and finished his cake. That's a lot of sugar for a little boy to eat after bed time! We brushed his teeth well tonight, and put him down. He actually fell asleep quickly. I think all the stimulation exhausted him!

I have been so blessed to be Koen's Mama. He is a joy, and it's fun to see more and more of his personality come out. Here are some pictures of the festivities:

Playing with Grampa and the favorite toy of the evening

Thanking G-Aunt Carrie

Koen with Aunt Laurie and Grammi

A new pillow from Grammi - Koen trying it out

Monkey cake before

Monkey cake after (not so happy about losing that ear!)

Facts

I was just sitting here crying over the need of orphans. I am ready and willing to help, but feel like I can't. Why is it so hard? Lord, show me how.

Here are the facts:

What is the need?
• Over 143 million children have lost one or both parents. 1
• At least 16.2 million children worldwide have lost both parents. 2
• Every 14 seconds a child loses a parent due to AIDS. 3
• Conflict has orphaned or separated 1 million children from their families in the 1990s. 4


Where are they?
• 43.4 million orphans live in sub-Saharan Africa, 87.6 million orphans live in Asia, and 12.4 million orphans live in Latin America and the Caribbean. 5
• 1.5 million children live in public care in Central and Eastern Europe alone. 6
• At any given point there are over 500,000 children in the U.S. Foster Care system. 7
• In some countries, children are abandoned at alarming rates, due to poverty, restrictive population control policies, disabilities or perceived disabilities, and cultural traditions that value boys more than girls. 8

What about AIDS?
• More than 14 million children under the age of 15 have lost one or both parents to AIDS, the vast majority of them in sub-Saharan Africa. 9
• By 2010, the number of children orphaned by AIDS globally is expected to exceed 25 million. 10
• AIDS is more likely than other cause of death to result in children losing both parents. 11
• As the infection spreads, the number of children who have lost parents to AIDS is beginning to grow in other regions as well, including Asia, Latin America and the Caribbean and Eastern Europe. 12

What happens to the children?
• Children are profoundly affected as their parents fall sick and die, setting them on a long trail of painful experiences often characterized by: economic hardship, lack of love, attention and affection, withdrawal from school, psychological distress, loss of inheritance, increased physical and sexual abuse and risk of HIV infection, malnutrition and illness, stigma, discrimination, exploitation, trafficking, and isolation. 13
• Orphaned children are much more likely than non-orphans to be working in commercial agriculture, as street vendors, in domestic service and in the sex trade. 14
• Unaccompanied boys are at high risk of forced or ’voluntary’ participation in violence and armed conflict. 15
• Orphanages, children’s villages, or other group residential facilities generally fail to meet young people’s emotional and psychological needs. 16

What about foster care?
• On average, children stay in foster care for 30 months, or 2.5 years. 17
• 118,000 children were waiting to be adopted on September 30, 2004. 18
• On average, those children waiting for adoption have been in foster care for 43.8 months, almost 4 years. 19
• Each year, an estimated 20,000 young people “age out” of the U.S. foster care system. Many are only 18 years old and still need support and services. Of those who aged out of foster care: 20
Outcome 21
Earned a high school diploma: 54%
Obtained a Bachelor’s degree or higher: 2%
Were unemployed: 51%
Had no health insurance: 30%
Had been homeless: 25% 22
Were receiving public assistance: 30%

Is there any hope?
• Yes. There is One who infinitely loves each orphan and calls His people to join Him in caring for the fatherless. Each one of us can Show Hope to an orphan.
• If only 7% of the 2 billion Christians in the world would show hope to a single orphan, looking after the child in their distress, there would effectively be no more orphans. We can each do something.

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Sources: Shaohannah's Hope Myspace
1 Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS, United Nations Children’s Fund and the United States Agency for International Development, Children on the Brink 2004: A joint report of new orphan estimates and a framework for action, Population, Health and Nutrition Information Project for USAID, Washington, D.C., July 2004, p. 7. http://www.unicef.org/publications/index_22212.html.
2 Ibid, Children on the Brink 2004, p. 29.
3 UNICEF, Press Release: As G8 leaders discuss global poverty, UNICEF puts spotlight on children in poor countries. http://www.unicef.org/media/media_21421.html
4 UNICEF, Aug 2006. From website, “Child Protection from Violence, Exploitation and Abuse.” http://www.unicef.org/protection/index_orphans.html
5 Ibid, Children on the Brink 2004, p. 3
6 UNICEF, Aug 2006. From website, “Child Protection from Violence, Exploitation and Abuse.” http://www.unicef.org/protection/index_orphans.html
7 Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and reporting System (AFCARS) 11 data submitted for the FY 2004, 0/1/03 through 9/30/04. http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/afcars/ tar/report11.htm
8 Human Rights Watch. Easy Targets: Violence against Children Worldwide. New York: Human Rights Watch. 2001, pp. 25-26. http://www.hrw.org/reports/2001/children/
9 Global Partners Forum convened by UNICEF with support from UNAIDS. The Framework for the Protection, Care and Support of Orphans and Vulnerable Children Living in a World with HIV and AIDS, July 2004, p 5. Global Strategic Framework: http://www.ovcsupport.net
10 Global Partners Forum convened by UNICEF with support from UNAIDS. The Framework for the Protection, Care and Support of Orphans and Vulnerable Children Living in a World with HIV and AIDS, July 2004, p 5. Global Strategic Framework: http://www.ovcsupport.net
11 Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS, United Nations Children’s Fund and the United States Agency for International Development, Children on the Brink 2004: A joint report of new orphan estimates and a framework for action, Population, Health and Nutrition Information Project for USAID, Washington, D.C., July 2004, p. 11. http://www.unicef.org/publications/index_22212.html
12 Global Partners Forum convened by UNICEF with support from UNAIDS. The Framework for the Protection, Care and Support of Orphans and Vulnerable Children Living in a World with HIV and AIDS, July 2004, p 7. Global Strategic Framework: http://www.ovcsupport.net
13 Global Partners Forum convened by UNICEF with support from UNAIDS. The Framework for the Protection, Care and Support of Orphans and Vulnerable Children Living in a World with HIV and AIDS, July 2004, p 9. Global Strategic Framework: http://www.ovcsupport.net
14 United Nations Children’s Fund, The State of the World’s Children 2006. Dec 2005, p. 50. http://www.unicef.org/publications/index_30398.html
15 Ibid, UNICEF, Aug 2006. From website, “Child Protection from Violence, Exploitation and Abuse.”
16 Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS, United Nations Children’s Fund and the United States Agency for International Development, Children on the Brink 2004: A joint report of new orphan estimates and a framework for action, Population, Health and Nutrition Information Project for USAID, Washington, D.C., July 2004, p. 20. http://www.unicef.org/publications/index_22212.html.
17 Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and reporting System (AFCARS) 11 data submitted for the FY 2004, 0/1/03 through 9/30/04. http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/afcars/ tar/report11.htm
18 Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and reporting System (AFCARS) 11 data submitted for the FY 2004, 0/1/03 through 9/30/04. http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/afcars/ tar/report11.htm
19 Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and reporting System (AFCARS) 11 data submitted for the FY 2004, 0/1/03 through 9/30/04. http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/afcars/ tar/report11.htm
20 National Foster Care Month, Facts about Children in Foster Care, 2006 Fact Sheet. http://www.fostercaremonth.org/FactsAndStatistics/
21 Young adults ages 18-24 years old 2.5 to 4 years after leaving foster care: Cook, R. (1992). Are we helping foster care youth prepare for the future? Children and Youth Services Review. 16(3/4), 213-229. Cook, R.; Fleishman, E., & Grimes, V. (1989). A National Evaluation of Title IV-E Foster Care Independent Living Programs for Youth (Phase 2 Final Report, Volume 1). Rockville: Westat, Inc.
22 Cook, R. (1991). A national evaluation of title IV-E foster care independent living programs for youth. Rockville, MD: Westat Inc. http://www.cwla.org/programs/fostercare/factsheetafter.htm

Coffee for Orphans...Keith's Dream

So, while I was perusing the internet looking for organizations and ministries that work with orphans around the world, I came across something worthy of a little attention (especially to my fellow grande-caffeinated Northwesterners).

I found a cool looking ministry called "Children's Hope Chest", an organization that exists to "respond to God's desire to create a world where every orphan knows Him, experiences the blessings of His family, and acquires the skills necessary to live an independent life." I am still reading through all the information on their web-site and have to say it seems like a really great organization (they have some really powerful videos worth watching about the plight of orphans). Anyway, I found a link on the president's blog about a small coffee roaster that exists to support orphan work and ministry.

Now, be honest, most likely you partake in a wonderfully delicious cup of joe more often than you would like to admit at your local coffee shop or one of the four Starbucks across the street (if the barista has your favorite drink waiting when you walk in the door, you are one of the people this blog entry is written to). May I introduce you to "Saint's Coffee", a company born after the founders spent 5 weeks working in Swaziland and saw the devistation from the HIV/Aids epidemic in Africa. They thought of how they could merge their addiction, err, love of coffee and their love of the kids left orphaned from from this terrible disease. "Saint's Coffee" was born.


Let me post directly from their site:

It’s hard to shop your values these days. But American consumers have more power than ever…why not turn that into a powerful force for good? Saint’s Coffee is about bringing justice to orphans first. Let’s face it, we all buy coffee. What we individually spend on coffee is more than most people in the developing world make in an entire year. So, what can YOU do about that? ~ Ignore it…nope, too heartless ~ Stop drinking coffee…stupid idea! ~ Change your vendor…yes! Use your greatest power—the power to CHOOSE who you buy coffee from. No, we don’t have 40,000 stores on every street corner in America. This movement’s not about convenience, it’s about buying coffee that reflects your values…coffee that cares about the same things you do.




I will be placing my order when my current supply runs dry and will give you all my taste test review (there are many roasts to choose from, so if you have tried one, let me know your thoughts).














And remember,


~Keith

Adoptions are Declining

The Adoption Buzz website linked me to an interesting article by the Washington Post about how international adoptions are declining as more and more countries close and set up harder restrictions to adopt their children. I know much of the article is opinion, but it is eye-opening. It is very discouraging to hear that adoptions are decreasing, as we know the number of orphans is dramatically increasing. Every child has a the right to a loving, caring home. How can we help?

*The Ultimate Protector

"I lift my eyes up to the hills-
where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip-
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you-
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm -
he will watch over your life;
The LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore."

--Psalm 121 (NIV)

Thank you Jesus for watching over Liv. You, the Creator of heaven and earth have all power to protect her from all harm, and you will. Thank you that you love her even more than I do, and have wonderful plans for her life. Thank you that you hold every orphan in your arms and are their Father.

Like a shepherd, he will care for his flock,
gathering the lambs in his arms,
Hugging them as he carries them,
leading the nursing ewes to good pasture.
--Isaiah 40:11 (NCV)

*Koen's Wish

Yesterday at dinner Koen said "Liv home." I asked "do you want Liv to come home?" He nodded and said "yeh." Keith and I agreed that we wanted Liv to come home too.

It surprised me that he apparently has some knowledge of Liv. We have prayed with him for her a little, but not talked too much about her around him, as I know he doesn't understand. But, he's understood something, and joined us in wanting her here soon.

The latest news in the Vietnam adoption world is that the USCIS is requiring abandoned orphans to get DNA tested and matched with their birth parents before their adoption can be completed. Abandoned to them means that the birth parents have "relinquished permanetly" the child. The USCIS wants to ensure that children are not being taken from their parents who actually wants to and can raise them. The problem though, is that according to Ethica, 85% of Vietnamese orphans have been abandoned anonymously. The USCIS has not yet addressed what they do in those cases, and how the DNA testing will work. You can read more about this at Voices for Vietnam Adoption Integrity.

I can only imagine that this too will slow the process, but if it helps clean up the system, I must be for it.

There is a petition going around to help bring Vietnamese orphans home to their waiting families. Go to Americans United for Vietnamese Orphans and sign it to help.

*6 Months Down

As of yesterday, April 1st, we have been DTV (dossier to Vietnam) 6 months. We've been in the adoption process for more than 11 months. Most people have babies in their arms by now. Or, I should at least by in my third trimester by now, but we likely many many more months to go before we'll get to hold our child. It's getting a little harder, but I am so thankful the Lord has made the wait bearable so far.

I heard through the grape vine that our agency received 3 referrals recently, but they all tested positive HIV. I know that is a reality, but it is truly a terrible one. They will be retested in a couple months, and if it is positive again, they are destined to grow and die in the orphanage system. I hurt for that child, an innocent baby who has a deadly disease and will likely be shunned and forgotten because of her parents actions.

It got us talking though, and we're realizing we know very little about how HIV can work in a newborn baby who gets it from his or her parents. If a newborn tests positive and then tests negative at 3 months, is she essentially a healthy baby with no risk of the virus remaining in her body? How does that original presence of the virus affect her?

Today we went to the zoo with our neighbors who are on spring break. I thought Koen would enjoy it more than he did. He is definitely wanting to do more things independently, and did not like having to be in his stroller, and would not cooperate well when out of his stroller. He enjoyed seeing some of the animals he could see well, but many were far away and not moving so I don't think he even saw them. We'll have to go back soon though, because I bought us a membership!Koen (in front) with his buddies