*Fun Mail

Guess what I found in our mailbox today.....Our immigration approval already! And, now it is noted on the bottom that a cable was sent to Guangzhou, China. It's official! We really only had to renew our previous approval, as well as do a change of status from Vietnam to China, so that is why it happened so quickly.

Since we sent in most of our paperwork to the agency on Monday, all we are waiting on now is Keith's Birth Certificate and our medical exams. Keith saw the doctor today, and will see mine on January 7th. Then we await blood test results, and signatures, and our part should be done by mid January. We're making progress!

Christmas Highlights

Christmas was nice this year. It was such a blessings to have a White Christmas, even though it did disrupt most of our plans in the days around Christmas. I was forced to slow down, which I think I really needed. We spent several days playing in the snow with neighbors who were also stuck at home. We played games, made Christmas cookies, read a great book.......I still felt busy enough, just less busy than I would have been had I made it to all the social events that were scheduled.

Some Christmas cookie decorating with Koen's buddy, Isaac

We stayed in Washington for Christmas this year. It's nice to be at home and not have to make the long drive to Oregon on Christmas Day like we've done many times in the past. Keith's family went to Boston to celebrate, so we spent the time with my family. Christmas Eve was spent at my Mom's like always. We had a little bit of trouble getting there. We have two identical white Subaru Outbacks that do great in the snow. I headed north to get my Grammi from her nursing home, and Keith and Koen headed south to pick up my dad who was stranded at his house. On Keith's way, he dropped Koen at my Mom's, and then only a few blocks from the house the car broke down. Most cars were stuck in the snow, but our car decided it was time for the clutch to give out. Some nice people helped Keith move it to a side street, and he waited for Tripple A to come, only to be told there were no available tow trucks. That was fine though, because I was able to get him after I dropped my Grammi off.

Everyone arrived safely, just a little later than planned, and we had a good dinner. After dinner we headed to church, but it was a little dissapointing as our church had cancelled it's service. We tried a new one near by and the music was so loud it hurt my ears (makes me sound old, doesn't it!!) Oh well, Keith liked it. After that we spent a couple hours opening gifts, and had a Happy Birthday Jesus cake.

Koen and Grampa on Christmas Eve

A family photo in front of Grammi's tree- tradition.

The Dinner-L to R is Great-Grammi (92), Grammi (Kelly's Mom), Laurie, Kelly, Aunt Carrie, Grampa, Koen and Keith is the photographer.

The Happy Birthday Jesus cake- Koen got to blow out the candles, of course.

Koen's loving the new Cars slippers!

Our desire was to have Christmas morning to ourselves, but we were up so late Christmas Eve that we slept in really late on Christmas Day, and only had time for breakfast and stockings, and a little bit of enjoying the gifts we got the night before. In the afternoon we headed for my aunt's house for a nice open house gathering she has yearly.

Christmas Day we had a few hours are home to ourselves - all Koen wanted to do was play with his new toys, not open more presents. He particularly loved the new play dough set.

The newer tradition - a photo in front of our mini tree-on-a-table.
I made hats for the three of us.

Opening stockings (Look at that snow!!)

That evening we did what we're trying to make our tradition and drove around (or should I say slid around!) to look at Christmas lights with my mom. We went back home and opened a few more presents, and did our last advent (which Koen loved this year!).

Our new Advent tradition - with candles, The Advent Book, and the tree that gets an ornament every night. Koen enjoyed this, especially blowing out the candles.

One of Koen's favorite gifts - the 2 dollar pair of child scissors, was a necessity when opening every gift- weather it had a ribbon or not!

Koen getting to enjoy one of his new toys.

Koen got to the point that he was tired of opening presents! I think it was mostly because we wouldn't let him get some of the new toys out of the box, as he had plenty more to open and he needed to get it done. It seems like the cheaper, simpler gifts are what thrilled him the most: a glowing bouncy ball, a pair of scissors, and a flash light. He seemed to understand that we were celebrating Jesus' birthday. We didn't talk at all about Santa, and he didn't ask about him. We were able to focus on Jesus, and he talked about it often in the days leading up to Christmas. I'm so thankful for that. As Koen would excitedly say "Jesus was born!"

One cute story: One of the last gifts Koen opened Christmas night was a little box of train tracks that Keith had labeled "To: Koen, From: Monkey (Koen's favorite stuffed animal)." After he opened it, he gave Monkey a hug, said thank you and then asked us "What should we give Monkey?" Keith and I were trying to think of something to give Monkey, and Koen ran excitedly into the kitchen saying "Monkey needs a banana!" So, monkey got a banana for Christmas, and all were happy.

Merry Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!
I pray the Lord blesses you abundantly in the New Year. Thanks for following our adoption journey.

Snow Days

It's been so fun to be "trapped" at home this time of year. Our good friends, and our neighbors, who are also good friends, came over today for fun in the snow, and fun inside by the fire. Here's some pics.

*Here's the News....

Alright, so now I have a few minutes to write and wanted to let you know that we are moving forward with China. We are very excited about. For the first time in a long time, things actually seem to be moving forward MORE QUICKLY than we expected. Because we had just updated our home study for Vietnam, our social worker was able to surprise us by having our China home study done in two days!! We expected this to take at least a month, not really knowing that it didn't require all new paperwork. That was a huge praise!

We are going the special needs route with the China program through our agency, Faith International. This route works much different than the route for healthy children, where the wait is as long as 3 years now. Our whole process from now until we have the child home could be 9 months, or even less since our paperwork stage is progressing quickly.

We have done some research on what kinds of special needs we are open to. We are using the term "minor correctable special needs" in our paperwork, and can be more specific with our agency. They will then help us find the right child for us based on the age and special needs we have requested. The most common special needs that we are open to are cleft palate/lip, minor physical deformities like missing or extra digits..., sight or hearing weakness, skin conditions, minor heart conditions, Hepatitis B.....We are still requesting a girl, under the age of 2.

Our immigration forms are being sent to the US Consulate today. It is perfect timing because our Vietnam approval expires soon and we were needing to update our forms anyway. Anyone can have one free update and one free change of status, and you can do both at once. So, we are updating and changing our status to China, and will wait a few weeks for approval. Once we have our immigration approval, and all of our paperwork done, our dossier goes to China and our agency will start looking on the special needs lists for our child! Most of the paperwork we have done before. The most time consuming are things we need other people to help with - our medical reports, and employment letters..... The stress of paperwork is adding to the busyness of the season, but it's a good stress.

The Lord has given us peace about this, and is open doors along the way. Now we need Him to provide the funds, and help us find our daughter.

We are not giving up on Vietnam. If things open again soon, we may have to delay our Vietnam adoption, until our first daughter is home and adjusted. It would also be an even bigger financial stretch to do two adoptions, but if this is what the Lord has for us, He will provide. Liv is still in Vietnam, and I won't give up looking for her until the Lord tells me to.

We need a nickname for our Chinese daughter, and may have to start a new blog, since this one is obviously rather Vietnamese. Some nicknames we have brainstormed are: Pearl, LIA (Love in Asia - LIC just isn't cute, and LICh is worse:) and Mei Mei (which means little sister in Mandarin). Any other suggestions, or votes?

It is so great to see an end to this long wait for our next child in site! I have hope, and am also trying to guard my hope for fear of trials like we've had with Vietnam.

*We Have Exciting News

But sorry - you have to wait a little longer to find out. And, don't get too excited, it's not a referral.

*Another Christmas....

I was just wallowing in adoption self-pity when I decided to blog. Entering our blog and finding my last post titled "Thankful" makes me feel even more guilty for my attitude. I want to be more optimistic and hopeful.

Last year at Christmas time, we hoped and prayed and dreamt of having Liv home by this Christmas, or at least seeing her face by this Christmas. I had planned to make her stocking some time this year - it would be red. I have the material, but it can wait another year.

Lord, we are tired of this wait. Please fill us with hope. Please guide our steps, and bring our child home soon. Please guide us to her. Please protect her and comfort her - surround her with love. Prepare us for each other.

Train Ride

This weekend we had a fun family outing. Koen got to go on the "Santa Train" - his first real train ride in his memory. He and Keith really enjoyed all the train stuff. The ride was short, but really the perfect distance for a two year old. At the destination, we skipped out on the Santa pics due to a long line, and enjoyed refreshments and a jumpy house. My mom and sister joined us.

Sitting on the train - wearing the santa hats I made them.

Even monkey got to come along.

Mom, Laurie, Koen (crying, I don't remember over what), Me and Keith

Thanksgiving Recap

I am having a hard time coming up with a way to express how our Thanksgiving was. Keith's mom and sister came up from Oregon to join my Mom and sister. My dad stopped by briefly. Keith made the turkey and gravy, and I did the stuffing and roles. Koen kept us pretty entertained, but he knew he was the center of attention.

All in all, it felt a little empty. My Grammi is too old and difficult to take out of her nursing home, so she was not present for the first time in my memory. And, Liv was noticeably missing as well. We have all had a rough year, and although I am thankful for many blessings even during the recent trials, we didn't discuss what we were thankful for, which is usually our tradition. I guess we just weren't in the mood.

The weekend was full of family activities. Enjoy the pictures.

It's become tradition to head to a local nursery in search of the perfect family photo for our Christmas card. These weren't the selected photo, but it will be unveiled later this month.

Koen and his Grandmas

Thankful

I am so thankful the Lord has been with us through every step of these last few difficult months.
I am thankful that my sister is out of the hospital and can join us today.
I am thankful that my mom is 10% of the way through her radiation.
I am thankful that I know the ultimate Healer.
I am thankful for the Body of Christ who has been praying and encouraging us.
I am thankful for the Lord's provision.
I am thankful for my healthy, happy, smart little boy. The Lord brings us so much joy through him.
I am thankful for my Keith - so supportive and patient, when I am not.
I am thankful for the Word of God that has given me hope and security.
I am thankful for our neighbors who kept us up late last night playing games.
I am thankful for our faithful ministry supporters.
I am thankful for my future children- right now a dream, prayerfully, soon a reality.
I am thankful for the adoption world and the support I find on many blogs.
I am thankful for our family who is always there for us.

Koen's Thankful Turkey - Koen said he was thankful for (in this order): Colors, Oranges, Crafts, Grammi, Isaac, Laurie and lots of other friends and family, Mama and Papa (way down on the list, and forced out of him), Monkey, Choo choo toys, Turkey and olives

Prayer Requests

My Mom starts radiation tomorrow. Please pray for her. She will be treated on her neck and jaw area, on one side of her face, which is the worst area to receive radiation because it hurts on the inside of your mouth as well. It may make her sick, and will make her tired as the treatments go on. She will receive radiation for 5 days a week for 5-6 weeks.

Christmas will be a bummer, but hopefully we are all able to enjoy celebrating Thanksgiving together.

Right now the main things she needs prayer for are for healing (of course), and that she can make it through the 20 minute treatments. She will have to wear a mask that is clamped down to the table she is laying on - which is very claustrophobic for her.

My sister also needs prayer. She is in the hospital again. Her anorexia is really bad right now. A few days ago she went into the ER and was given an IV. This weekend her arms swelled up really huge and she went back to the ER to discover she had a staph infection from the previous IVs. She had surgery on one arm and has a drain tube. The other arm isn't quite as bad. She will likely be in the hospital for another day or two.

I have lots of reasons to be stressed right now.

Hats for Babies

I found a fun sewing project by Mama to Mama to do for babies in Haiti. Haiti has the highest infant mortality rate in the western hemisphere. Many premature babies are cold, even in the tropical climate, and a little handmade hat helps to keep them warm and thus conserve the calories they need to grow.

Here is info directly from MamatoMama's site:

Mama to Mama is honored to introduce our first project. The Caps to Cap-Haitian Project: A Partnership with Konbit Sante, will initially provide newborn jersey caps to be distributed in Safe Birthing Kits in northern Haiti.

I invite you to join me in sharing your creativity, time and energy to aid our Caribbean sisters. Our life circumstances may be so very different from one another, but as women and mothers, we share so very much in common - the most basic being our desire to keep our children safe and healthy from the moment of birth onward. Please read on to find out how you can contribute to this project in a simple but meaningful way.

In northern Haiti:

• Just 1 in 5 women receives skilled medical care during childbirth.
• Haiti has the highest maternal mortality ratio in the Western Hemisphere.
• 1 in 40 women will die as a result of pregnancy complications, unsafe abortion, or obstetrical emergency.
• Twelve percent of children die before the age of 5.

The hats were very easy to make. Take old T shirts, and cut according to the cap pattern. You can make two caps out of adult size shirts, one out of toddler size. Do some simple sewing, and tie a knot. Here are the pdf instructions. If you want to aid in this project, you must act fast. They want all hats to be at their Maine headquarters by December 10th. More info here: MamatoMama.

Koen got his own little hat too.:)

*Contemplating....

I debated about sharing this with the world (since I have readers from several continents:), but feel like I should be open about every step in our adoption process. This way you know how to pray for us, and if you are a PAP (prospective adoptive parent), you may learn from our journey (and mistakes!).

Today I was a part of a webinar for those interested in adopting a "special needs" child from China. This is just something we are contemplating pursuing in light of the closure of Vietnam. We have been praying for a long time and I just wanted to listen to this webinar to learn more.

Before we even officially started our adoption process, we were highly interested in China - partially because we have known a few people who have adopted from there, partially because of the publicity that orphans there have received. But, China has some strict requirements, and does not allow people under 30 to apply. I was not quite 29 when we were starting.

Now, I am well over 30 (exactly 149 days), and we meet the other requirements if we were to adopt our next child from China. However, (and this plays a role in our decision) we would not meet the income requirement if we were adopting our 3rd child. For every person in the household, including the child being pursued, China requires a certain yearly income. Unless our salary increases dramatically, (which is pretty much impossible as we raise our own salary through generous donors) we would only be able to adopt one child from China, and it would have to be our next child. I learned from the webinar today that China is strict with the salary requirements.

My fear is that Vietnam may never open, or that if it does, we would adopt Liv, and then it would close again, and we would not be able to turn to China at that time. That's not really reason to pursue China, but it's something to be aware of.

Throughout our process with Vietnam, I have wondered if the Lord had a more special child for us - one with a unique medical need. The wait for a healthy Chinese infant (what we are pursuing from Vietnam) is up around 3 years now. Many of the "waiting children" who are considered to have special needs that make them harder to adopt actually have fairly insignificant issues. Many of these issues are correctable with surgery. Some of the common medical issues we might consider are cleft lip/palate, minor heart defects, limb deformities, vision/hearing weaknesses, large birthmarks, Hepatitis B........ And there is no wait for these children who desperately need a mommy and daddy.

Every month the CCAA (China Center of Adoption Affairs) releases a big list of "special needs" children that are available for adoption. Only liscenced agencies have access to this list, and the agency staff match the children with the waiting families who have agreed to adopt a "special needs" child based on the family's preferences. Then the family has a week to decide for sure if they are going to pursue this child. If not, the child is put back on the list for a different agency to look into. It is possible for a family to be matched with a child even before their dossier is completed, but this is not ideal for the child - as this lengthens their wait in China. After a family (who is dossier ready) is matched with a child, it is 3-5 months until they travel to get him or her. The length of stay in China averages 12 days.

Chinese children with cleft palate/lip

A Chinese child with repaired cleft palate/lip.

The reason that we can even contemplate this option, is that many of our fees for Vietnam would transfer over to the China program if we stayed with our agency. I was doing the math and it looks like we could actually save money if we went with China and Vietnam stayed closed. China is a little cheaper of a program.

We would not pull out of Vietnam. We are committed to sticking out this wait, until our agency, or Vietnam, or God forces us to quit. But, we would like to adopt more than one child, so why not start a concurrent adoption now? (Well, several reasons I can think of, but we'll see.)

So, I learned a little from the webinar, but ultimately it made me feel more comfortable with pursuing China. I have yet to talk much with Keith about it, and we still have not heard from the Lord. I'll let you know what we decide.

Who Am I Writing To?

I started to wonder if anyone actually ready our blog and discovered that I could put a "Map Loco" live map on the blog (see the bottom of the page). This shows me where my most recent visitors are from. It is fun to see that people actually are following our journey. And, especially fun today that we had 4 recent international readers. Welcome to you from Canada, Italy, Nepal, and Krasnador Russia (Is that you Ashley?:)!

I love comments, so please, feel free to click on the comment link at the end of this post, and let me know that you follow along. Even a "hi" is enough! Thanks.

Resources

I have been looking all over the internet whenever I've had a spare minute the last several days, in search of resources on special needs adoption. We are considering what special needs we are open to in our adoption, but can't find good info on adopting a special needs child.

The perfect article or book might be titled: Am I Ready to Adopt a Child With Special Needs?

If you know of any good resources, please, let me know!

*13 months

Today marks 13 months DTV, and 2 months that Vietnam has been closed.

Chicken Little

Introducing..... My little chicken:


My little chicken survived Halloween this year. We'll see if his teeth do though! He was actually a bit grumpy and maybe even overwhelmed by the trick-or-treating we did at a local shopping area. It was really crowded with all kinds of little animals and goblins and princesses.

Chicken Little and Grammi

The cutest chicken butt you'll ever see

Koen posing with our neighbors, Darth and Ninja Hero

Keith's sexy lips

Only posting this to be fair to Keith

Pumpkin Painting!

Visiting Great-Grammi at the nursing home today.
Koen is laughing every time G-G says "Boo!"

*A Little Sad Tonight

As I tried to fall asleep last night I realized that Koen will likely turn 3 before he has a sibling. That was never in our plan. You know how you have a vision of your perfect family, and you know about how far apart you want your children? My vision had them less than 2 years apart. 3 just sounds so old! And, all of Koen's friends have siblings or siblings on the way. It makes me sad for him, but mostly for me.

I guess I had my hopes up that Vietnam could open by 2009, and we could get a referral soon after, and travel in the spring. But, the reality is probably that even if it does open by 2009, we are still way back on the waiting list, and even once we get a referral, it is still several months to wait before traveling to get her.

This stinks Lord! Please move, and open those doors. Give those children forever families. Give one of them to us, please.

I can write about this now, as I am about a month removed. I mentioned some hard times we went through last month. On top of my Mom's cancer, my sister's anorexia battles, and a disappointment in a ministry trip we were looking forward to that fell through, I experienced something I don't think I should have had to experience.

Last September 26th, a Friday, after an evening out with friends, we came home and took a pregnancy test. We were not trying to get pregnant, and were pretty darn faithful in preventing pregnancy, but my period was several days late. During those late days, I found myself beginning to imagine that I was pregnant, and I liked the idea more than I expected to. I put off taking the test, for fear of disappointment. But, I finally felt like we needed to know, and took the test. It read a faint positive. Keith was quite excited, but I was hesitant to rejoice. I needed more proof. I sent Keith to the store to buy another test at 11 pm. This test also read a faint positive, but the instructions said even a faint positive, was a positive indeed.

This was a miracle baby! We weren't trying for it, but God's ways were higher than ours and this was how He was giving us our second child.

I journalled a prayer that night, still hesitant to believe what was happening, and beginning to mourn the change of plans. Would this affect our adoption? Was this why our ministry trip fell through? Was this why we haven't received a referral yet? And fear crept in. I hadn't planned to have another pregnancy now, perhaps ever. Would it be a girl? She wouldn't be Asian, like my vision? Would this be Liv? Could we still adopt Liv down the road? Would this baby be healthy? With adoption, you kind of know what you're getting health-wise. I wasn't sure how I felt about the risk this would be.

But, I prayed about the pregnancy, we prayed about the health of this life in me. We prayed for our adoption, like usual.......

The next day I really began to embrace this pregnancy idea. I got excited. I watched what I ate, and took my vitamins. I drank more water...... I went on babycenter.com, and found my due date would probably be May 30th. Sounded like a perfect day to have a baby. That night we even told our best family friends that we were expecting, and they rejoiced with us.

Sunday morning came and just before heading off to church, I found a light pink spot when I went to the bathroom. Fear again! I mentioned it to Keith, and we rushed off to try to be on time to church. I was distracted, but refused to believe that God would allow anything to be wrong with this "miracle baby."

When we got home, I checked and the blood was undeniable. I checked the internet. I called the on-call doctor, who happened to be my OB. She assured me this was normal. A couple hours later the blood flow was worse. I called again. She sounded a little more concerned and told me to go to the lab in the morning for a blood test. Keith lost hope. I couldn't yet. This was a "miracle baby".

The next morning, I took my blood test. While on a walk with Koen, on a beautiful sunny day, the doctor called to say my hormone levels were so low, that I likely had miscarried a while ago. While she told me this I saw a snake slither away quickly from the forest path we were on (I'm only sharing this because I wonder if it is significant - I never see snakes around here). I wasn't afraid of the snake, like I would have expected. I was numb. I don't think I had totally embraced the pregnancy, and the day of bleeding had already warned me this news was coming. We went on to the park as planned, and Koen gave me a hug.

We let a few people know, and asked for prayer. I cried and prayed, and cried some more. We went on, but the constant bleeding wouldn't let me forget, and I was scared of what I would see come out of me. Was that the baby?

I have faith in God, and that's why this hurts all the more. I believed He would protect this child that He gave us. This wasn't out of our efforts, or plan. This was His. Then after the bad news, I believed that even a miracle baby could survive all this bleeding. My God is big enough. But is He good enough? What a horrible thing to ask. He is good!

Why would he want to add a miscarriage to all the trauma of the last month? If I had waited even another day to take a test, it would have read negative. If I had waited two days, I would have thought it was just a late period, and I wouldn't have had to experience this loss.

Did this make me realize I do want to be pregnant again? No. I don't think this has lead us in any way. If God wasn't using this to guide us, what was it for? That's the problem. I have no idea. I get frantic every now and then to have our second child (like now!). We could have started trying on our own a long time ago, but we believe that God wants us to wait and stick with the adoption road we are on. We have prayed and prayed and He hasn't given me peace about any other option.

A friend, who was also due in May, found out she lost her baby this week. She was entering her 2nd trimester, and likely miscarried several weeks back. When I did the math, I realized we lost our babies at about the same time. I now know a little about what she is going through. I am praying for you, friend, if you read this.

The Lord brought me through last month with the encouragement and prayers of friends and family, and some of His promises, most notably:

"The LORD your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." -Zephaniah 3:17

More bad news has come in the last week. We continue down this path. Lord, please change things. I don't know how much more I can bear.

Sorry for the downer post. I know miscarriages happen all the time, but the pain is real.

Pumpkins

Papa, Mama, Koen

Today we carved pumpkins. We got a few smiles for photos, but Koen didn't really enjoy the process until it was all over. He didn't want to touch the "goop." But, he was quite thrilled with his Blue's Clues themed pumpkins.